Top 3 Ways to Avoid the Swine Flu

1. Pay attention to the mass media. Well, don't read/listen to everything, just the sensational headlines 'o doom, articles dealing with the rising number of confirmed cases and deaths, and wild speculation about this turning into a repeat of the 1918 Spanish Influenza epidemic. This will put you in the correct state of mind (freaked out) to deal with the current situation. Studiously avoid the few articles/reports that put the infection/mortality rate in context or give you actual medical facts...those articles will just make you complacent so you let your guard down!

2. Overreact. Lock yourself in the house and only come out when you need to buy food or other necessities. (bonus points if you curl into the fetal position and lay there whimpering in the dark. It won't provide any more protection from the virus, but the media outlets will love it...terrified citizens cowering in their homes makes for great news) When you do go out to buy food wear a mask and glares suspiciously at anyone who so much as sniffles. Since there's a slight possibility that it may actually become necessary to do these things (minus the whimpering in the dark) if the situation gets bad enough, you might as well start now.

3. NEVER EVER do this:



Okay, so a real top 3 list would be something like: 1. Cancel any travel plans to Mexico until further notice. 2. If possible, avoid people who are coughing and/or sneezing. 3. Wash your hands as frequently as someone with OCD. However, you'd never know it with the way some people are carrying on. Oh, and #3 on the first list is probably good advice too.